FUNERALS, etc.

Mollie hates winter so much... probably more than I do. And she writes for the Mishka Blog: Beats Way Sick (2/1o). The post made me laugh, because I read it and knew it was Mollie before I even looked at the tunes. They've all got pseudonyms they write under (some of the really good ones are Shark, Hateball and Scrooge McFuck...)--Mollie's is Rue Sauvage.

* * *

Frightened Rabbit reminds me of being in Wales--mostly because my cousin's friend was in love with The Pogues--who are Irish, not Scottish, but, ignorantly enough, it's all the same to me.

Unlike Mollie, being entrenched in two or more feet of snow and having water seep through the soles of my shoes makes me want to hear music that makes me feel just as entrenched and hopeless (also, unlike Mollie, I venture outdoors). I think it has to do with the fact that I like (see also: am forced to) to wallow in the muck while Mollie is on the Californian coast this weekend.

* * *

Lastly, pictures from the FUNERALS New Year's Day show--their first show. I didn't have a camera, so these awesome shots are stolen from a relative of Casey's, Tom Huff.

(Casey's parents, Jed and Madeleine--aww!)

fuck

i shouldn't have a blog because i write asinine things and then you get to read them. fuck.

when i get mail sent to my parent's house...

Forever is it opened by them (which they KNOW is not allowed!), and forever do they forget to tell me... (and forever will I get it sent there because I have lost way too much mail getting it sent anywhere but... srsly).

I just found out, while stumbling around (oops), that I got a package in the mail today.

(Okay, so here, I digress to excessive rambling, because I'm allowed to, as it's my fucking blog:)

I got strangely excited--I thought it was whatever this thing was that Greg was having sent to my parent's house for me--it was a late birthday/x-mas present--and more than getting it, I wanted to know what it was. See, Greg sucked at getting me things, or even doing things that'd be meaningful or thoughtful (for anyone)--so I wanted to know what it was, I wanted to know if he 'knew' me any better (after two years). I don't mean any of that in a bad way. Whatever bitterness or enmity we/I have/had towards each other/him, this was/is a real curiosity of mine. (I wish I could frame that sentence and send it to Mollie.)

I think when we were breaking up, he told me he still wanted me to keep it--and I told him I'd throw it the fuck away (so, it ended on a sour note)--so, I'm guessing for his monetary sake, he cancelled it, (because he actually thought I would?), and it still hasn't come, and I didn't really expect it to. It's just... the end of something. I really wanted to know what it was and now I'll never know--YOU HATE TO SEE THAT.

Anyway (and back on topic), my mom, who I love, actually told me I got a package earlier in the day--but I didn't know what she was talking about, because, like her pronunciation of "cAWn-RrRraD?" (Conrad), she had told me something about something about "Rame-e-esy-bye-Rrr." And I didn't pay attention (I think she said something about Chicago, so I should've known--had I been paying attention).

I msgd Ramsey a bit ago because I don't have a credit card/bank account at the moment, and couldn't get this last issue of her zine off Microcosm without (the other stuff I had Jake buy for me, but didn't have enough cash at the time to get the zine too--boo). Ramsey makes a zine called "list," which I 'found out about' when Jimi and I went to RVA two or something summers ago (and when I met one of the most amazing girls of my life--but that's a different story). We slept on the couch/floor of their house (it says 'Welcome Punx!' on the porch above the couch, I think).

This preface was all to say--I got it in the mail, and it's called 'Moving On,' and, you know, it's about moving on. But before I finish this post: my sink came in!

it's been a month!

take that!

i don't have time for this, really

I helped set up at ROY this weekend with Cassie, and then went to Skylab for Nathan's birthday. Setting up: fuck projectors and sound equipment! Nathan's birthday: INSANE, of course. Vile Gash and Hair Police played on the 5th floor too. It was packed, etc. etc. etc.

The panel finally happened last night, and I read Jimi's paper off the computer because he only sent it to me fifteen minutes before it started. It was really entertaining and there was a decent turn out. Cassie introduced me at as 'The Harbinger of the Apocalypse,' but she said harbinger funny. I'm fairly certain I didn't choke on my own spit while speaking, but you never know--I was concentrating too hard to pay attention. I took a picture after I read Jimi's thing (too nervous but to just keep re-reading as quick as I could/half-listening to do anything before hand). That's Jimi's 'flyer' projected above Cassie--you can't make it out, really--or maybe you can. It was all videotaped, but I'm not sure I wanna see it! Haha.

I am so fucking swamped with homework, and I'm falling behind for sure.

on naps

i took one. bad idea. why do i do that?

i'm glad jake's coming over.

i can't make it through the night alone.

--nightmares and what not.

well, i guess that'd be if i could actually fall asleep.

that's pretty much highly unlikely due to said nap...

buttered popcorn all night, here we come!

the panel's been rescheduled for monday!

(i know, again, but it will happen this time!)

that reminds me... jimi needs to send me his paper.

i'm going to forget this.

dude.

mang, why is the west coast so far away?

still waiting for this goddamn darkroom sink!

still waiting for you to get here.

ughhh!

wish it was warm enough for a nighttime bike ride.

sometimes...

i really do just want a fucking frozen pizza or ramen noodles.

that said, i posted another recipe: zucchini cappellini w/ baby heirloom tomatoes.

i made some boxed pasta that's been sitting in the pantry for probably a year.

it tastes like cardboard, but i don't have the time or the fucking energy to make shit right now.

mental-drainnn.

oof, i don't know how much of this "pasta" i can stand.

WHAT ARE THESE LITTLE GREEN FLECKS, I WONDER...

also, update: weedeater just changed the dates of their tour.

way to go, fallon + ally. (lawl)

we have a question

did the dude from weedeater actually blow his toe off with a shotgun?

Utopia Deferred

Jake and Noa drink whiskey like it's a curse.

Does anyone know if this is a SF/Oakland thing?

Cos I know these two never frequented BrbnSt!

Also, I can't find my HP7.

Who wants to give me theirs?

All I've found in this search is LOTR and some Baudrillard.

The latter of which, for some reason, I think isn't my book.

If you read this, and this is yours, please claim.

It's been to Australia and back without you.

I'm sure it misses you.

Title of Book is Title of Post, KTHX.

...Though I guess it really is possible this is my book and I just don't remember....

listen

i am only getting out of this bed when you come over.

waiting (wishing) for a phone call that will never come

JDP put Punk Zine on his blog! Fuck yeah. It's now going on mine too, because JDP is me is you is JDP. The end.

Babe's here. Come to Skylab tmrw for the last Sword Heaven CMH show before Aaron leaves for India.

cancelled

Can't make it through this day.

Get this snow outta me.

Hurtin' hard or hard hurtin'?

a valentine

I'm always amiss. Dear Insomnia, Fuck You.

ellybee + dk3

Dear Ellyn, sorry, I woke up, remembered that last entry, and deleted it. If you weren't a 'young professional,' and it was legal (okay, I don't really care if it's legal), I'd marry you. I fucking love you.

DARKROOM CONSTRUCTION PT 3 COMMENCE:

Tell me you're not excited, too?! I got to design a bunch of it. We're using salvaged (from my parents' old storage room) cupboards, three lights (one over the work station/enlarger area, one darkroom light, and one over the chemical/sink set-up. Sink's already ordered, and the black, chemical-resistant counter tops should be too! Sorry, but the idea of teaching my dad how to develop photos is the cutest thing in the world. I'm just sad I can't move it with me if (when) I move. Also: paint fumes suck! Heat rises? So do paint fumes--hence why we're still downstairs tonight.

Lastly, and most importantly, I've gotta make a post about a really close friend now. Kevin's dad died Thursday night, and it makes me the saddest ever. If you don't know him, (and then you probably don't know me either,) Kevin Cecil is this amazingly smart, funny, kind, all-those-things-everyone-wants-to-be/looks-for kind of guy. I never knew his dad, but it fucking breaks my heart that he has to go through this so early on in his life. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without any of my family--my mother, father or brother. The thought of the pain that would cause me is incredibly unbearable, and I can only imagine how Kevin is feeling. It's one of those times when you really wish you could do something for someone you love--but can't. And, Kevin, I'm sorry that I can't. If you know him, the viewing is tomorrow from 6-9pm at Rutherford Funeral Home in Powell. The address says 450 Olentangy Road--don't let that confuse you--it's right off Powell Road, turn right off Sawmill. Please come and show support and love for one of the best dudes ever.

0

Shopping List: Baked Tofu, Baby Heirloom Tomatoes, + Scallions.

Tonight: Tryin' out some new recipes, homework, bad TV episodes + sleepovers again.

Saturday Night Potluck Dishes: Zucchini Cappellini & Vegan Wontons.

goodbye's too good a word

Ceci n'est pas une pistolet.

Mais, utiliser la même devise.

I've done this before.

I can do it again.

staying up all night

Boys snore and I can't sleep ever. I mean, I know I snore too, but I haven't been able to sleep, so, probably, the snoring of boys has not been keeping me up, but I'm going to use that as an excuse. Everything was cancelled yesterday, so I met a dude for drinks. The panel is rescheduled for Monday, but here's Jimi's flyer:

I like it.

yay!

I got to stay home from school because I said I was sad! ...Which isn't really a big deal, seeing as it's my "hybrid" class (mostly online class). I guess I should be doing homework and being productive in the mean time, but I slept until noon (didn't go to bed until 7am). Cheered up a little, but then had nightmares. Totally am not certain if I'm going out tonight. Terrible, terrible snow :(

Update! Extensions on nearly everything! Friends with work cancelled! Maybe this snowday won't suck after all! Now to see if the panel is still on. Okay, now just please don't be too freezing. Also, can you cancel classes for tomorrow, too. Kthx, snow.

a night almost ruined

Pt. 1:

Whatever, asshole.

Pt. 2:

I'm still at Jakob's, and he's looking for El Topo but can only find the Holy Mountain. Well, I brought over Suspiria and La Haine, but we've decided on Jodorowsky. I showed Jake the new darkroom I'm getting. I'm trying to get black, chemical-resistant Formica counter tops and a I'm getting a beautiful 6' Delta sink with a wash basin. I don't know about making my own darkroom, as I've never done it before, but Jakey and I were comparing it to Paige's old one. I remember we painted the counters we made poppy red (yeah, I loved that color, duh).

Darkroom Construction Pt. 2!

A door!

Okay, possibly you can't tell the difference. The difference is the drywall! I's got some walls up in this place!

Here's my lovely enlarger that hasn't been in-use for at least four years (haven't needed to!), so let's all hope it works--srsly.

I wanted to make dinner for us (i.e. mussels), but I made mussels for Ian's birthday Friday night before we went to Skylab (with hour-long stewed cherry tomatoes--omg, yum--baguette from Katzinger's and a delectable 'birthday cake' macaroon from Pistacia Vera with the freshest raspberries in the entire world--wtf?), and so we decided to wait until they get back from Cleveland. To be honest, I could probably eat mussels with good, toasty bread everyday (or probably I only say that because I can't/don't). Anyway, had my first Waffle House waffles in a LONG ASS time. Holy delicious! (I think they're mostly made out of butter.) I no longer drink coffee though, so I read to us.

do you want to see what i mean?

OKAY, MEMORIZE... AND, GO!

So, I guess I'm hoping for a moderate ("C") grade if I can't get a good one. Cross yr fingiez, 4me plz. Tonight should be a good one--hanging out with Jakey before they go to Clevo to visit some friends or see some show (I can't be bothered to remember these details). Tomorrow night may also be a good one, if the god damn snow will let me live my life! Srsly, though, I heard 10-20 inches by the end of the week. Anti-swell. JDP goes back to Chicago on Wednesday, and so I need to see him tomorrow too! (All the sad faces.)

The panel discussion is at ROY G BIV at 7pm; description follows:

2012 and post-apocalyptic/post-revolutionary/post-utopian politics

with Cassandra Troyan, James Payne, Sarah Cowles, Andrew Culp, Tim Jensen and Ricky Crano as Moderator.

The panel discussion begins with the obsession of 2012 as a solipsistic day-dream, and its use as a scape-goat for not caring enough to protest our current dilapidated situation. The topic is a jump-off point for larger relevant questions: Is there a root psychological desire for the world to end? What is that root and how can it be ameliorated? How does itinerant desire for destruction impact real world political action?

Okay, now time to get ready for drawing, book-reading, Waffle House and late night hang-outs. We're in high school again. (That is if my ride ever gets here. --Wait, no that's exactly like high school.)

usan, jaffna, sri lanka

My mom's old house when she was growing up. During the past decade it was occupied by the Sri Lankan Army. They just recently vacated it. It was used as a storage hold and living quarters for Sinhalese soldiers.

The next three are the house my mom's parents built for my mom and dad when they got married. They were never allowed to live there, as a Sri Lankan army general took up residence in it. We weren't allowed to visit it when we went to Sri Lanka in 2002 or 2005.

need immediately, plz

P.S. Snow, dude, I hatechu. Quit ruining all of the plans ever.

it never dies a natural death

It's just a waste of time.

It's such a waste of time.

darkroom construction pt 1

Woke up to the beginning of the demolition of the storage space in my parent's house that is soon to be my darkroom. This used to be floor to ceiling cupboards--workbenches and whatnot.

Then, I had breakfast and went to class--grudgingly. (Okay, I love croissants, and I HAD to take a picture of how perfect and delicious this one was. I could probably gush about it forever. For your sake--I won't. LA BOULANGERIE PLZ?)

So, I get back from class, and the place is completely gutted. And they've added the beginning of a ceiling. They're going to paint these walls black, and I'm getting a 6ft darkroom sink. Oh, mang.

It's bigger than it looks, and definitely bigger than half the darkrooms I've worked in. I didn't get a photograph of my enlarger because it's in hiding in the back guest room--but it's one that my ex, Daniel, gave me ages ago--along with shitloads of other equipment/chemicals/etc. Some of it's probably expired, which is the shit we used to use all the time--the weird reactions with aged chemicals, the unexpected results. Obviously not timeless, enduring prints, but wonderful to fuck around with. Anyway I've got to get back to studying. And sleeping (yeah, right).

i have a very important choice to make

girls w/ dum dum girls

OR

deerhunter

I'd totally go to both, but I'm not sure how feasible that is with my limited fundage. Plus, I've seen Deerhunter before ...but, then again, xx is the night before Girls... so which to choose? Something to ponder on the half-hour car-ride home, I suppose. I want to see The Entrance Band tonight, but I don't feel up to it--still getting over this cold.

what this is really trying to say is...

I could be dead right now. Along with half the people I know (at least). Damn, grrrl.

R.I.P. Jay Reatard. Let me know how it is hangin' out with Zinn.

'oh be a fine girl, kiss me'

...now you know the mnemonic device to remember the 'full' spectral type sequence (full until they later added l and t to the end of it). I laughed out loud in class when I read that. These are B stars (some of the hottest), in the Pleiades star cluster. Surreal.

Also, I made my first recipe post. I've got a lot of studying for Astronomy to do this week, so probably not another one until this weekend. We'll see. Anyway, I'll definitely update on the status of darkroom construction. I asked my dad, "What happens to my darkroom if I go to Portland in less than a year?" And he said, "It'll still be here." This is good news.

People are already (duh) planning on SXSW attendance, and I'm thinkin' in on it too. Conrad wants to go for his birthday, and it'd be sweet to go--but also the Chicago Zine Fest is happening, and Sara is doing a workshop? of sorts (something). Plans should be made sooner than later, but it's hard to know what exactly to do. Plus, Chicago is cheap (megabus), versus flying to Austin. How to manage that? Hmm. Applying tonight and planning on visiting Portland in June. Excitinggg news.

finally

Monotonix vocalist FINALLY breaks a part of his own body rather than everything else around.

No one is surprised.